The Day I Became a Mother

I became a mother the day I sat across the table from a young girl with a rounded stomach. We were at a Panera Bread. She was sitting with her mom on one side of the table and I was on the other side with your daddy. Her pregnancy counselor sat neutrally between the two of us. When I heard the words, "I choose you," I knew my life would never be the same.

She said she had no idea how to make this decision but God had made it clear to her "that she would know who to choose by the way they speak about Me." It's been a little more than five years since we first met the birth mother of you, our twin daughters. But her words will always be clear to me. They are locked in my heart forever.

I became a mother the day your daddy and I went with to an ultrasound and doctor's appointment. We sat and watched in awe as our little girls moved within her belly. We listened with excitement to your galloping heartbeats.

I became a mother the day we sat on the other end of the phone waiting very impatiently for a phone call. We knew our birth mother was having some tests done and it could likely be the day our babies were born. That phone call came around 6:00 p.m. on May 1, 2009. "They are here," the pregnancy counselor said. "Born at 3:33 and 3:34 p.m. Everyone is doing well! Could you come to the hospital tomorrow?"

I became a mother the day we nervously arrived at the hospital. I was clutching a vase of flowers. Daddy had our camera. We knocked on the door and stepped inside where we saw two bassinets. My eyes respectfully went to our birth mother first and then reverently to my daughters.

I became a mother the day first one and then two little bundles were placed in my arms. I couldn't believe they were mine to love and raise. My heart was bursting beyond anything I could imagine.

I became a mother the day I went to the hospital with your daddy to bring you home. We changed you into "going home" outfits from your grandparents and then it was time to go. We hugged and cried with our birth mother and her family. It was bittersweet for all of us. My heart broke for her as she said goodbye.

I became a mother the day I survived my first night with you. You slept together in a bassinet at the foot of our bed. I don't think I slept a wink. Every little whimper or cry made me check on you. I fed you, changed you and rocked you - all the time relishing in the fact that this was my job now.

I became a mother the day I received a beautiful vase of roses and lilies from our birth mother and her family on my very first Mother's Day. The next day would have been the last day she could have changed her mind. When I received that beautiful bouquet, I knew without a doubt that THIS.WAS.REAL.

This weekend, I am celebrating my 6th Mother's Day and like always, I am reflecting on those first days with my girls. Later, this month we will visit with our birth mother and her family to celebrate Mother's Day and the girls' 5th birthday.

A long time ago, I dreamed of the day I would become a mother. It didn't come in the way I was expecting - in the way it happens for most people. I wouldn't get to see a positive pregnancy test, feel my baby's kicks within my belly or experience the pains of childbirth.

Instead, I became a mother because of what I consider to be a gift. A gift of ultimate love. A gift of choice. A gift that I will forever treasure and that humbles me each and every day.

"...He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for His own glory." ~Isaiah 61:3